Pappa wants mamma naked
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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