Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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