u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
