Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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