he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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