the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
