There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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