I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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