Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
