I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
