I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.