I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
third nipple confirmed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.