her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.