Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?