We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
