I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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