I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
