On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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