My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
