"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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