i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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