I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
