I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
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I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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