I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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