I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize