Non-Jews are for practice
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
