My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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