heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
