Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
