hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So much rum. So many feels.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
