found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
