I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
