I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Jerry, you need to find god
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
