why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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