Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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