I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
