I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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