I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
