Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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