okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
