I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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