My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
