Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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