shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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