You can't special order awesome
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
