u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
