Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
