He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
