I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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