I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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