Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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