so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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