There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
