Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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