theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
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How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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