Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
