3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
