I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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