I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
